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Rabbi Isaac N. Trainin Bikur Cholim Coordinating Council

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About Being a Visitor

Being a Telephone Visitor...

The ubiquitous telephone! How many of us have gotten calls that lift our spirits or warm our hearts? With forethought and skill the telephone can be used for bikur cholim in a meaningful and efficient way. Many points of visiting are the same whether face-to-face or via the telephone, but some are different. Both require us to be mindful of the ways we use ourselves so that we are most helpful when we visit.

People who are ill, have disabilities, are elderly, and/or homebound may frequently find themselves increasingly isolated. As a telephone visitor, you can bring hope to someone in need—including the need to know that someone cares. This can be done through a casual conversation, news from the community, an interesting story, or even a few shared moments of silence. Visitors benefit by performing a valuable mitzvah and often gain a sense of satisfaction and self-worth. In these ways, telephone visiting can play a vital role in the life of our community.

 

Techniques for the Telephone Visitor

Those you call should be prepared for the brief, limited type of contact you will be making with them. Both caller and recipient need to know, appreciate, and accept these boundaries. Within a synagogue, understanding the nature of the call can be communicated through an article in the news bulletin, through the rabbi, or through the people in the community getting the word out about the program and finding out who needs a call.

Some communities have people calling when someone returns from the hospital, when finished with Shiva, or has a new baby. Calls can be daily to check on someone's well being or weekly to lift someone’s spirit.

 

Beginning a telephone relationship

  • Keep in mind your main job is to develop a friendly, trusting and limited telephone relationship.
  • Agree on a time and day of the phone call.
  • Be sure to have emergency number and emergency plan if there is no answer.
  • For the first few calls, continue to formally introduce yourself until you feel the person easily recognizes you and understands why you are calling.
  • Record any specific information or current issues in your person’s life so you may remember and refer to it the next time you call.

Telephone conversation may require verbal feedback, "I’m listening," as commentary to reassure the person you called that you are "with them" in the absence of face to face interaction. Silence, under the circumstances of telephone visiting, is not necessarily golden!

 

Suggested conversation for the telephone call

  • Formally introduce yourself until the person easily recognizes you, i.e., "Hello, this is ______, your Telephone Visitor," from Synagogue or Congregation, etc."
  • Follow with questions such as, "I’m calling to say hello and want to know if everything is okay," "How are you today?" "How are you feeling?" "Anything you think I might need to know?" etc.
  • Close your conversation with, "Okay, I just wanted to check in (wish you a good Shabbos...) and will call you again ________."

Ending a Visit — Saying Goodbye

Establish the following routine from the first phone call:

  • Keep track of the time
  • Before it is time to say goodbye, prepare by saying something like "It is almost time for me to say goodbye for today."
  • Review the day and time of next visit, perhaps mentioning what you might plan to discuss. Express your enjoyment of the time spent that day.

Should there appear to be a problem developing in the person's life

Clearly there will be those times when something is happening, and obtaining more information during your phone call is appropriate.

Once you have a sense or a picture of the problem, state that you are concerned about the person and what he/she is saying to you. Explain that you would like to help and the best way you can do this is to share what has been told to you with the Coordinator or Rabbi confidentially. If he/she agrees to this, call the Coordinator or Rabbi.

The person might be resistant to this. It is important to respect their wishes and privacy. In this case, discuss the situation in confidence with a member of your Bikur Cholim Committee or synagogue so that together you can strategize how you might proceed.

"It is not up to you to complete the work, yet you are not free to abstain from it."
—Ethics of the Fathers 2:21

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©2008 Rabbi Isaac N. Trainin Bikur Cholim Coordinating Council
120 West 57th Street · New York, NY 10019
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